This is a blog for anyone who is a sex worker ally, or would like to be. Although having your heart in the right place is important, there’s more to it. The terms you use to talk about sex work have a huge impact on how you and the world view our work.
The wrong words spread misinformation and reinforce stigma, but the right ones open up some very interesting conversations. Knowing how to talk about sex work can also help signal to those sexy workers in your life that you’re a person they can trust.
The wrong words spread misinformation and reinforce stigma, but the right ones open up some very interesting conversations.
Don’t worry, this isn’t a lecture. It’s easy to feel you’ve failed if you don’t automatically know something, or to feel attacked if someone points out an error. That’s not what this article is about. But we do need to acknowledge that language evolves. As we find better ways to talk about the stuff that matters, we swap the old out for the new. Over time, both workers and allies alike are learning better ways to talk about the sex industry. So please, come with me on this journey, and don’t sweat it if you find something you could be doing differently. That just means you’re in the right place and I’m glad you’re here!
I get it wrong too, sometimes
I just talked about how language evolves, right? I’m not perfect either. I’ve been in the sex industry for about fifteen years, and in that time our communities have been figuring out how to talk about a whole host of issues that affect us.
I can’t speak for everyone, and you may come across sex workers who use different words or have different preferences. Please listen to what they have to say - it can only add to your knowledge! By following our peer orgs, checking out what workers have to say on social media, and reading blogs like this, you’ll start to build a better picture of our diverse community and how we talk about things.
Get comfortable with the term ‘sex worker’
Let’s start by discussing what the phrase ‘sex work’ is all about. It’s a great place to build the foundation of good allyship.
‘Sex work’ simply refers to the work performed by anyone who swaps sexual (or just sexy) services for payment. It’s an umbrella term that includes a huge range of roles: brothel worker, BDSM professional, phone sex operator, adult content creator, and much more! It was coined in 1978 by Carol Leigh, an activist from San Francisco and it forms the cornerstone on which the principle ‘sex work is work’, is built. An idea integral to the sex worker rights movement. The Global Network of Sex Work Projects says:
“Sex work is work. This simple yet powerful statement frames sex workers not as criminals, victims, vectors of disease, or sinners but as workers.”
If you’re not used to talking about sex, it might feel a bit weird. But the more we say ‘sex work’, the more we underscore that sex workers are entitled to the same workplace rights as anyone else. You’ll also be normalising that sex is a natural part of life for many, and something that can be offered as a service.
Use the right words for specific sex-industry roles
As we’ve just discussed, ‘sex worker’ is an umbrella term that describes a whole lot of roles within the industry. Which words do you use if you need to be more specific?
This one is trickier. Often, the way we talk about and refer to ourselves isn’t necessarily indicative of how you should talk about or refer to us. We sometimes use ‘in-group’ terms, such as reclaimed slurs (whore, hooker, hoe etc). But for you, it's best practice to stick to ‘out-group’ terminology such as ‘companion’ or ‘provider.'
Most sex workers will have a preference in how they’re described. Reading their ad or asking them politely are good ways to discover that information.
Here are a few terms that are fairly widely accepted:
- Full service sex worker: someone who includes intercourse in their service offerings. Sex workers sometimes use: ‘provider’, ‘companion’, ‘worker’.
Words I don’t recommend: ‘prostitute’, ‘hooker’. - Brothel worker: a sex worker who works at a brothel (easy, huh?) Avoid: ‘brothel girl’ and similar variants, as not all workers are women, and the term ‘girl’ can be infantilising.
- Street-based sex worker: a full-service worker who meets their clients in public. I strongly recommend avoiding: ‘streetwalker’, ‘street hooker’, and ‘street worker’. Historically street-based sex workers are one of the most stigmatised groups in our industry, and they deserve our utmost respect.
- BDSM worker: someone who offers kink, fetish, and BDSM services. You may also see a BDSM worker refer to themselves as a pro dom/domme, kink or fetish escort, Master, or Mistress. A lot of these words are gendered, and their use by a specific worker is a personal choice.
- Adult content creator: a sex worker who appears in porn flicks, or produces their own content. Some folks might describe themselves as porn performers or pornstars. Always ask if you’re not sure!
- Cam performer: someone who performs on camming sites or provides live, private shows for their clients online. Avoid defaulting to ‘cam girl’. Similar to ‘brothel girl’, the term ‘cam girl’ can be considered infantilising and, of course, not all cam performers are women.
These are just the basics - there are many kinds of sex industry jobs. If you’re looking for a way to describe a particular role, it’s best to do your research by reading the work of people who talk about their experiences, both on and offline. Keep in mind that some sex workers will use reclaimed words such as ‘hooker’ or ‘whore’, but that doesn’t mean they’re fair game! It’s not good enough to say, ‘but I heard a sex worker use this word!’. If in doubt, do more research! There’s lots of good information and resources available from our peer organisations.
It’s not about ‘selling sex’. It’s about providing a service.
Whenever a newspaper publishes an article about someone ‘selling their body’ or ‘selling sex’ it makes me clench my teeth so hard I’m afraid they’ll break.
My frustration is twofold: first, it shows that the writer doesn’t understand the skilled nature of our profession. They assume that sex work is just about being paid for access to our bodies - that we let ourselves be used. In reality, delivering a sex work service involves both emotional and sexual skills. We’re active participants, guiding our clients throughout the session.
Second, the phrase ‘selling their body’ is so illogical. How can I sell my own body? I’m still attached to it! ‘Selling sex’ and ‘selling their body’ rhetoric feeds into the misogynistic idea that a person who ‘gives up’ sex is losing a part of themselves. It’s built upon the notion that the person ‘receiving’ sex is conquered by the act, rather than an active participant, and that this somehow diminishes them. It puts a negative slant on what should be a fun, consensual activity.
If you hear someone using those phrases, please step in and gently correct them. ‘Selling sexual services’ or ‘erotic labour’ are much more accurate.
Clients deserve the right words too.
If you’re an advocate for sex workers, you may feel tempted to take sides. But using words such as ‘john’ or ‘trick’ to describe a client is dehumanising and shaming. It might feel easy and comfortable to use these terms, but it harms workers too.
Stigmatising clients - labelling them perverts or creeps, for example - feeds into abolitionist rhetoric about all sex workers being victims. Furthermore, it’s just not true. I’ve met a huge variety of people of all genders in this line of work, and I have a genuine fondness for many of them. Sometimes, meeting interesting people is the best part of the job.
Of course, if you follow sex workers online or know some in your personal life, you may be privy to their complaints about clients. This is our prerogative. The same way retail or hospitality workers bitch about their customers, we’re also entitled to voice our frustrations! But it doesn’t mean that people who see sex workers are worse overall - you can meet an asshole anywhere, whether it’s the brothel, the gym, or the checkout queue. Don’t assume that a sex worker’s annoyances apply to all clients, or even that they’re sex-work-specific! We should be able to vent our frustrations, or even trauma, without anyone using it against us. Unless their behaviour warrants otherwise, everyone involved deserves respect.
‘Decriminalise’, not ‘legalise’
I’ve saved the big one till last! If you’re discussing sex worker rights, it’s essential to know the difference between full decriminalisation and legalisation.
This topic is much bigger than I can fully explain here, but in a nutshell it’s all about making sure sex workers have the same rights and freedoms as everyone else. When sex work is criminalised, it’s banned outright - and there are many, many harms associated with this. What some allies don’t understand is that there’s also a HUGE difference between ‘legalising’ sex work (also known as ‘regulation’ or ‘licensing’) and full decriminalisation.
When sex work is legalised, licensed, or regulated, that means it’s permitted under certain circumstances, such as in particular areas, or only for particular types of work. Sex workers may be required to register their names and addresses with the government, or pay unnecessary licensing fees to operate their businesses. There may also be other sex-work specific laws, such as rules around how many people can work together or forced, invasive health checks. Our businesses operations are often monitored by law enforcement and the legal system, instead of receiving the same oversight as normie business. Often, these rules make our work dangerous and difficult. It’s also unfair - why should we be forced to follow discriminatory rules for us, when we’re simply doing a job like anyone else?
On the other hand, full decriminalisation means that all sex-work specific laws are removed, and sex workers of all kinds can do their work according to the same laws and regulations as any other kind of business. This is the approach that best protects our rights, health and safety. It’s also a human right! We deserve to be treated the same as any other citizen.
Knowing the difference - and using the right term - is crucial, because politicians and anti-sex-work activists will often use weasel words to trick us into accepting laws that don’t support our human rights. If they mention regulation or licensing, it’s a sure sign they’re not doing it right! If you know the difference, you can help by emphasising that full decriminalisation is the only acceptable option.
Let’s spread better language around!
Thanks for reading this! Us sex workers need allies and even moreso, we need allies who are willing to do their homework. I’d encourage you to get out there and prove you know your stuff by spreading the right words around!
By using these terms in casual conversation with others, you can do a lot of good. You can help the people around you understand that sex work is work, and that workers in this industry deserve the same rights and freedoms as anyone else. And if you do find yourself talking to a sex worker, you’re going to feel much more comfortable, knowing you’re using the most respectful terminology available to you.
We really do appreciate it.
