There are many trans sex workers who do femme drag for work; because they like it, to fulfill a client's fantasy or because it can be more profitable, and there are others who prefer not to. I think all these motivations require bravery and character and all of them can present big struggles for the sex worker. As we know transness doesn't look a certain way for any of us but having to perform in a gender expression that doesn't necessarily fit our preferences is something many of us are familiar with. A great number of clients prefer femme-presenting people, not just in traditional sex work but across the board. The fantasy of being dominated by a woman in BDSM is very common, at least between my clients, which leads many trans sex workers and Dom/mes to present in a more feminine way.
Being transmasc, my gender expression varies depending on how I feel, sometimes I present in a femme way and sometimes I can't stand anything but masc clothes. I firmly believe that clothes don't have gender but the way I'm perceived definitely changes a lot from when I'm wearing a skirt to when I'm wearing pants and a binder. The knowledge that everytime I present femme people assume I'm a woman, makes me really dysphoric. When for me I might just be feeling like a femboy that day or doing some drag. When I worked at an erotic café I realized that the fact that I don't shave could be a big issue, because the clients there are usually not fans of body hair, which could mean less income for me. So I had to look for ways to hide my body hair while wearing lingerie. Thigh highs were and still are a big friend of mine and I genuinely like using them.
A great number of clients prefer femme-presenting people, not just in traditional sex work but across the board.
Even though there are clients who respect my pronouns, I don't expect most of them to. Often times I don't even bother telling them, sometimes from a place of safety, sometimes because it becomes tiring to do so. I've asked myself many times if I want to start T (testosterone) but besides the fact that I don't want some of the changes it would make on my body, I also consider the fact that it could be harder to get clients as a dominatrix. This isn’t to say transmasc people can't be Doms – I personally know some openly transmasc people who are Doms – but in my experience dealing with clients they usually want a woman, a mommy, a Mistress. And even though I mostly use he/him pronouns I don't mind putting on a performance for a session. I also believe that you don't have to be a woman to be a Mistress.
Many of the sex workers I know are trans and most of them use femme drag to attract clients. There's a few workers who use their pronouns openly and don't bother doing femme drag at all. In my case, I mostly like doing drag, the part that bothers me is that people don't know I am. They just assume that's how I should look, while I'm not feeling like a woman at all and much more like an entity; a vampire, an elf, a dark spirit driven by the desire to make you suffer, never a woman. Thinking about it like this makes it easier and more fun, but even with that mindset it can be hard to do femme drag if I'm feeling dysphoric, which it's been a bigger issue lately.
Even though I mostly use he/him pronouns I don't mind putting on a performance for a session. I also believe that you don't have to be a woman to be a Mistress.
When you're transmasc doing femme drag is seen as just presenting like a woman by most people. I remember the first time I put on a wig it felt weird and unnatural, –I hadn't seen myself with long hair since I was fifteen– but the more I wore it, the more I realized it doesn't change anything on the inside and it started to become fun. It also helped me realize that people treat you very differently depending on how you present, especially men.
I feel less dysphoric doing femme drag in a session than I do in my everyday life when I wear femme clothes. This is because I prefer to be called “Mistress” but not “girl” or “woman” and when I'm doing femme drag for a session I am purposely dressing as a Mistress but when I dress femme to go out I'm never dressing to be perceived as a woman. I really like fashion as a form of self expression and I don't like when I feel that I have to sacrifice my own personal style to be respected as a transmasc person. I like skirts, platforms and eyeliner and I wish people didn’t misgender me because of it. It's okay to be a dude with a fluid sense of style and our identity shouldn't be called into question because we enjoy a skirt or two! Transness can look like literally anything because it's not tied to how we look or how we dress, but to who we are.
Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!
We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨
