Editor’s note: mentions of addiction, sexual violence, partner abuse, death in the family.

Come is the memoir of Rita Therese, an Australian sex worker, artist and author. It’s an equally chaotic, tragic and raunchy story of her life as a topless waitress, stripper, porn actor, and escort. It packs in such a wide slice of the sex industry and an immense range of emotion. It’s an enthralling and fast-paced read.

Come opens in the rural Western Australian desert, at 3pm, as Rita begins her day. She describes the dusty little room she is to call home for her duration at this particular brothel. The highlight of her day is nearer to its end, the morning; the pleasure she feels tidying up at the end of a shift and watching the sunrise over the desert. As she’s texting her boyfriend on his way to work, she gets a call from her brother telling her of the death of her brother. She wills herself to believe it’s not true and they’ll all be fine by the time she’s home. This is the first of many personal tragedies Rita shares with us.

Following this, we are taken back to the beginning of her life as a “baby hooker”. At eighteen she applies to be a topless waitress. On her first day she takes public transport out to a house to find herself in a party full of men with only her fellow waitresses, that she’s meeting for the first time, for guidance. After a mortifying moment when she first takes off her bra, she immediately settles in and ends up enjoying the partying and camaraderie of the job.

It packs in such a wide slice of the sex industry and an immense range of emotion.

Flitting from role to role, we find Rita on her first porn shoot dealing with a terrible self-inflicted fake tan and a mean director. Amongst this strange and daunting experience on set in the bush, there is genuine intimacy and lust between her and another actor. She loses herself in her scene with him and ends up sleeping with him off camera. Throughout much of her work, Rita often genuinely enjoys having sex with both clients and colleagues, drawn to one particular type of rough-edged, tradie man again and again.

Rita has had many different roles in the sex industry and had such a wide array of experiences in those roles. I felt an intense self-conscious panic when I found out she’s only twenty-five, given how much she’s gone through and accomplished. I cried throughout much of this book, especially the end. The way Rita plows on through adversity and abject misery was painfully relatable and it struck a chord with me. It’s hard to comprehend how she must have felt following the deaths of her family members.

The chapter Bitch, butch, femme confronts the phenomenon of  compartmentalisation and the sometimes hazy delineation between one’s work self and one’s everyday self. Rita goes through her wardrobe and sorts her clothing into “Gia’s side” and “Rita’s side”, trying to solidify the distinction between her work and personal life. Similarly, as she catches sight of herself giving a lap dance, she makes the decision that winged eyeliner is only for work now. Struggling with needing a distinction between your work self and your real self while simultaneously having to reconcile that they are both the same person is something I think all sex workers struggle with at some point. Even choosing to divide what sexual services you offer and what acts you might keep for your personal life. Compartmentalising work can be a self-protecting decision and of course anonymity is crucial for safety. On the other hand, we are always ourselves whether at work or not, and we can’t ignore that. Dissociation invariably takes a toll in the long run. There’s a balance that has to be found, easier at some times than others.

The way Rita plows on through adversity and abject misery was painfully relatable and it struck a chord with me.

As someone who is bisexual but actively repressing her queerness, Rita struggles to find her place in either the openly queer part of the sex work community or the straight part. I’ve had similar mixed feelings about being openly queer with clients. It feels wrong at times to display queerness, particularly as a form of marketing aimed at straight men. The idea of being fetishised as a lesbian horrifies me no matter how profitable it could be. Most clients are gently accepting of my bisexuality, but I think it’s a difficult thing to negotiate for any queer worker.

Rita struggles with so many things in this period of her life: dissociation, addiction, sexual violence, partner abuse and the death of her two brothers. Come is a testament to the fact that she’s lived through and overcome so much in such a short span of adulthood as well as publishing a great and a successful book. She describes the intensity of her experience writing, “I didn’t realise […] that in the act of writing about my life I would uncover so many secrets about myself.” Like many sex workers, Rita seems to have compartmentalised her work to such a degree that it doesn’t completely feel like her story anymore.

Sex workers are often (I could almost say always) survivors. We are people who have lived many lives, often getting by on guts and brains alone. Although Rita’s experience is harrowing and at times hard to read, I think it’s important to tell and read stories of women’s survival and strength. As she says herself, “In order to go forward, in order to survive, sometimes we have to write our own stories. We need to reframe what happens to us”.

Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!

We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨

You’ve probably heard the terms erotic massage, sensual massage, happy ending, or even rub and tug, but do you know exactly what happens in one? If you’ve been thinking of indulging in a professional erotic massage (and it is an indulgence) read on for a guide to erotic massage from a professional.

I started my sex work career giving nude massages with happy endings, though I won’t date myself by telling you when. I spent years in softly lit rooms, rubbing, tugging, slipping, and sliding across clients. I loved working in FBSM (full body sensual massage), creating a relaxing, sensual, fun, and erotic atmosphere for my clients.

What is an erotic massage?

An erotic massage is a type of massage where the focus is on erotic pleasure through touch. The provider may wear lingerie or be nude (or both!) and will massage the client using their hands and oftentimes their body. The massage is full body, including the erogenous zones. It can end in hand relief (a hand job), oral sex, or sex, depending on the provider’s preferences and boundaries. The effect is often a very sensual experience for the client, and it can also be very exciting!

How does it differ from other kinds of massage?

An erotic massage might not be quite as beneficial as a remedial or sports message, but I can guarantee it’s much hotter! In a standard massage, the focus is on relaxation, muscle tension release, and even treating certain conditions with the muscles, tendons, and bones. The focus of an erotic massage is sensual, so everything is attuned to creating a charged, erotic effect. 

Types of erotic massages

FBSM: This is the shorthand for ‘full body sensual massage’, and is the type of erotic massage you’re most likely to find. 

Bodyslide: A bodyslide is generally a feature of an erotic massage. This is where the provider uses their entire oiled body to massage you. 

Nuru: Nuru is a style of erotic massage that comes from Japan. It’s a full body-to-body massage using a special gel made from seaweed. The term ‘nuru’ is actually the Japanese word for ‘slippery’.

Tantra: Your erotic massage provider may incorporate elements of Tantra into the massage. Tantra is an ancient esoteric tradition from South Asia, and your provider may weave aspects of meditation and energetic work with the sensual aspects of your massage.

Benefits of erotic massage

There are many benefits of having an erotic massage. The first is relaxation. Like any other massage, the process is relaxing and calming–letting your provider rub away all your cares and worries, as well as any light muscle tension you might have. Another benefit of an erotic massage is release. Who doesn’t love an orgasm? 

Erotic massage can be a form of self care, a way to treat yourself to something that focuses on you. Finally, don’t discount the benefit of a sexy, fun time. 

Do’s and Don’ts of receiving an erotic massage

Do shower properly beforehand. You’re about to get up close and intimate with your erotic massage provider, so it’s important to make sure you’re as fresh and clean as possible. You can read our client’s guide to hygiene for more information. 

Do make sure you engage a professional erotic massage provider. You can’t just ask any massage practitioner for this kind of service! In fact, it’s considered extremely poor form, or even harassment. There are plenty of professional erotic massage providers out there who would love to provide you a service, so don’t bother your non-erotic massage therapist by asking.

Don’t disrespect your massage provider’s boundaries. Some FBSM providers offer extra services on top of the standard massage, and some don’t. Always ask beforehand if you’re looking for a little something extra, so you can find the right provider for you!

Now you’re ready to get a little slippery and a lot satisfied! 

Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!

We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨

The day everyone fighting for a free and open internet feared has arrived. After years of ignoring experts, the child safety portion of the United Kingdom's Online Safety Act is in full enforcement mode and as expected, the "legal duty to protect children online" has already inflicted chaos and collateral damage across the internet.

PornHub surprisingly implemented an age verification process for UK visitors, something it hasn't done in most USA states on privacy grounds, but figured it's okay to do in the UK. xHamster is forcing UK guests to make an account and have the owner of that account's age verified by a 3rd party called Yoti. McAfee claims over 6,000 adult sites have implemented some form of advanced age verification (facial age estimation, photo-ID matching, digital identity services, etc.) for UK users already.

Bluesky disabled direct messages until you prove you're over 18. X is blocking random content for accounts that it thinks might be used by people under the age of 18. Discord is making all UK members use a third party called k-ID to verify the age of their accounts. Spotify will close your account if they think you’re under 18 and don’t successfully demonstrate otherwise. Reddit blocked access in the UK to groups like r/periods, r/stopsmoking, r/stopdrinking, and r/sexualassault, multiple war/conflict media groups, as well as all NSFW tagged groups and accounts unless your account has completed an age verification process via a 3rd party called Persona - that was easily defeated by pointing your phone at an image of a video game character.

Popular indie game website itch.io decided to block NSFW/adult content for all UK visitors "until we find and implement a solution for age verification we are comfortable with". Others, like fan fiction site Archive of Our Own, are taking the stance that if it's not a USA law it doesn't apply to them so they'll ignore it. 

Wikipedia began legal proceedings to challenge its classification as one of the highest risk services, which would require it to "verify the identity of many Wikipedia contributors, undermining the privacy that is central to keeping Wikipedia volunteers safe" that it claims "could expose contributors to data breaches, stalking, lawsuits, or even imprisonment by authoritarian regimes". 

Open Rights Group is actively maintaining a list of websites blocking the UK entirely as to avoid onerous age verification processes. Some of them are not what you expect.

• The Interactive Fiction Archive - a collection of text adventures
• Kandi Patterns - a community to share bead patterns
• Dads With Kids - a support group for single fathers
• Lobsters - a tech discussion forum
• The Hamster Forum - exactly what you think it is
• Hexus - a computer enthusiast forum

These sites chose not to introduce age verification due to a mix of cost, uncertain privacy implications and a moral objection to the entire Online Safety Act. By blocking UK visitors they don't have to worry about harassment from UK groups scouring the internet (*cough* TERFs *cough*) and dobbing them in to Ofcom.

Meanwhile, Brits are firing up VPNs at record levels, with Proton VPN boasting of a 1,400% increase in sign-ups from the UK. As beautiful as it is to see mass disobedience from our antipodean friends, it opens up a whole new risk vector with all those people now at the mercy of VPN providers - which as we've discussed in the past on this blog - VPN providers have the ability to intercept all your internet usage.

Persona, Yoti, k-ID and other third party services are also experiencing record levels of usage as people scramble to verify their accounts across the internet. Can we trust these services? What are they doing with the data they capture? How do the non-government ID age verification systems even work? What's the point of them when they're so easily bypassed by pointing your phone at a video game character? Will they suffer similar security breaches as AU10TIX did last year, or Tea just a few weeks ago? So many questions, so few answers.

We also don't know what the impact will be for sex workers on platforms that have UK customers. Will they shy away from paid services due to not wanting their identity linked to their private sexual habits? Based on Pornhub's experience of an 80% drop in viewers when they implemented age verification in Louisiana, there's going to be some impact - we just don't know yet how big of an impact it will be.

Despite all this messing around with our beautiful internet, it can almost be justified if it means kids aren't warped by all the supposed perverts lurking in cyberspace, right? Jonathan Haidt's book, The Anxious Generation captured the minds of politicians and is widely regarded as the catalyst for these laws sweeping the Anglosphere. But as scientific journal Nature writes, the book's claims are "not supported by science" and when other scientists try to replicate Haidt's findings, the results are "a mix of no, small and mixed associations". Hardly the type of research a government should be forming society changing legislation around.

The action is centered in the UK right now but the UK is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to age verification on the internet. YouTube is voluntarily restricting accounts belonging to people under the age of 18 in the USA. Australia is forging ahead with age verification for 16 year olds in December. The USA's Kids Online Safety Act, while currently dormant, is sitting, waiting to introduce wide-scale age verification systems there too.

The situation we find ourselves in is uncharted territory, but exactly what the experts and activists said would happen, has happened. Now we have to deal with the consequences of our political class willfully ignoring them.

Got a tech question for Ada? She wants to hear from you!

Ada answers all your questions about tech, the online world, and staying safe in it. No question is too silly, no hypothetical is too far-fetched! Learn to leverage devices, systems, and platforms to your benefit.

Sex workers have always been more punk than punk rock because sex work exploits systems set up to exploit us, and therefore IS the most punk of all the punk, in this essay I will… No wait, that’s another essay. Anyway, the DIY ethos of punk means that sex workers have been making zines for as long as the practice has been accessible. There’s a long history of marginalised communities who decide to put out their own shit when the barriers to publishing are insurmountable, and sex workers are no different. 

Workers have been printing out resource pamphlets and blacklists for decades, and were churning out photocopied, stapled little morsels like everyone else in the golden zine era in the 90's. Take a look at this amazing 1988 NZPC (New Zealand Prostitues Collective) zine Siren for an example! 

These folded sheets are ephemeral and tough to document, existing on bookshelves and in boxes, sometimes gathered together in little zine libraries spotted throughout all the cities of the world. Ephemeral as they are, they deserve to be made, acknowledged, and celebrated as important documentation. 

The why

Traditional publishing (‘trad pub’) is not accessible to a range of sex workers, and is why the canon of published sex worker books is skewed towards white women with tertiary education (telling on myself here). It means that the stories we can access through trad pub are so immensely limited.

It’s not only an issue of access. There’s also a warranted fear of putting your words into the hands of civvies. Will they show them the respect they deserve? This is especially true when it comes to personal stories, and stories involving sex work. We’re a marginalised community and with that comes the need for care, understanding, and deference. You can't guarantee this when you entrust your work to trad pub.

The how

To begin with, you need to figure out what your zine will be about. The best thing about making zines is that you don’t have to adhere to the whims of publishing tastes. If you wanna make a zine about your Dr Martens boot fetish, or your fav soup recipes, go for it! If you want to tell your story free of censorship, and in the way you want to tell it, then please do! Zines are a wonderful format for expressing yourself your way.

The layout

Zines take many forms and there are so many ways to make them. You can do some origami and make an eight page folded zine, try a simple bunch of paper folded in two and stapled, or make a bound book. If you do opt for the book-fold, remember that your total page numbers need to be divisible by four, as each sheet of paper is four pages of your zine.

You can lay a zine out old-school-style, decorating each page with drawings, text, cutouts and glue. Maybe you get fancy and utilise your creative suite software of choice.

The paper-and-photocopier method is the most simple and accessible way to layout a zine: staple some sheets together, write your zine content directly on the page, go to town with a glue stick for pics, etc. It helps to number each page so when it comes to printing, you can easily see the pagination. Once you’ve filled out your zine, you can take it apart to photocopy sheet by sheet.

It’s controversial, but I use Word to layout my zines. I draw the images in Affinity Designer, then add them to the word document. This isn’t easy because Word is fucked when it comes to images. BUT the “book fold” template setting is GOLD – you add your content consecutively, then the template sorts out the pagination for you automatically for printing. It’s perfect if you don’t want to fuss around with working out pagination yourself.

Printing

I send my files to my local print store, who have a fold and staple option, and can add a nice card cover. When I go to pick them up, everything is done. I prefer this option because I’m lazy, but it is also because I like the uniformity of the finished zines. You might hate this aspect of it because we all have different aesthetics. That’s what makes zines so fucking cool, because you can share what you like with everyone else. Getting them printed and stapled obviously costs more than DIY, but I think it can be worth it.

You can go utterly DIY and photocopy your zine yourself, preferably using the copier at your stupid office day job so you can steal some paper in the process. If you’re dayjob-free, good for you! Libraries offer copying but the cost can add up. Your local print store will likely have a DIY option, or you can make use of your own printer (if you can get it to work)!

Binding

Staples are the simplest way to bind your zine. You may need a long-reach stapler, as a regular one might not be able to reach the centre of your folded zine. These are cheap and relatively easy to find. 

If you’d prefer something craftier, you can bind the zine by sewing the centre of the fold. This is a pretty and crafty way to bind, and gives the zine a more personal quality–the reader will know you took care and time to sew the pages together.

If your zine is hefty, you might need to have it professionally bound, so take a look around for printers that offer this, though beware–some printers are known to not accept certain content and may refuse to print and bind your zine if it contains anything they find objectionable. 

Distribution

How do you get your zine out there? You’ve done all this work, now you want someone to actually read it. There are many ways: look up zine libraries in your city and around the world–they often take zines and stock them in their libraries for people to browse, read, or buy. If there’s a radical bookshop near to you, ask if they’re interested in selling on your zine. You can also go to a zine fair! The Sticky Institute in Melbourne Australia has a yearly zine fair where you can get a table and hawk your wares, and so do many other cities. You could take matters into your own hands and sell it on an online marketplace–I promote my zine on my socials and then sell them through Etsy. Though the fees are exorbitant, it’s a relatively easy way to handle sales. You could also create a store on Big Cartel–they have a free plan for small stores. 

Zines are a powerful way to tell your story, express yourself creatively, and make yourself heard. They are the ultimate DIY way to get your creative output and your voice out there! Embrace the punk ethos of zines and tell your story your way.

Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!

We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨

It was an empty Wednesday night at the strip club and I was sitting with two work colleagues, talking about relationships to entertain ourselves and compensate for the boredom due to the lack of customers.

“Where is your Venus placed? I can imagine it’s a fire placement,” one of them asked me.

I realized I didn’t really know my whole chart, and felt so inadequate that I ran to the staff toilet to check it. Sitting on the toilet seat in my lingerie, and occupying the only staff stall for way too long, I typed in my birthplace and date and discovered that my Venus is in Aries. 

That inspired two thoughts. First: my colleague was right and that explained a lot about my relationship patterns. Second: why are strippers (myself included) so obsessed with astrology? To feel such a compelling need as to check their birth chart on a Wednesday night in a strip club toilet?

Before becoming a sex worker, I never cared about astrology, and I barely knew what my sun sign was. I would say I was even skeptical. Some years into the job, my attitude towards it shifted, and I started studying planet placements to make sense of my life. My case is neither unique nor special, and I have observed countless sex workers’ beliefs follow the same arch. My colleagues and I even joke about it, and, when we meet some strippers who are new to the job and claim they don’t believe in astrology, we laugh: Give it six months. I started to think about the possible reasons behind this mass tendency within the sex worker community, as I find it a fascinating one. 

I would start using a reflection I heard in a Contrapoint's video as a premise: “Astrology explains why things happen. Science explains how things happen, and that is not enough for most humans.” In my opinion, this is the first core reason that could explain the astrology trend in our community. Astrology is, at the end of the day, a system of beliefs that has the purpose of making sense of one’s reality. And, when it comes to sex workers, the level of unpredictability in our realities is extremely high. Our jobs are unstable and full of variables. Will I have much work or not this month? Is the customer going to cancel the appointment last minute? Is the strip club going to be full or empty? It is understandable for the human brain to be unable to handle this level of unpredictability and to try to find justifications for why things went a certain way.

Astrology is, at the end of the day, a system of beliefs that has the purpose of making sense of one’s reality.

I work in a strip club and going to work is like gambling. You never know if it’s going to be a zero or a five-hundred-euro night. Your income depends on whether there are spending customers in the club and whether you get to talk to the right ones. Even when making money, you might happen to deal with energy vampires who will make you feel like it’s not worth it. The club might be full but you might get rejected for the whole night–or, the opposite, you might get the only visitor on the Monday shift. In all this chaos, finding a system that explains why my night went a certain way using planet placements gives me peace of mind and gives me answers. 

Astrology is not the only belief system that gives explanations. Religion also does, but here comes the second core reason I could think of. Mainstream religions have historically rejected sex work, denying us dignity and even our right to exist. Many sex workers grew up afflicted by shame and rejection from religions that police what each individual should or should not do with their body, carrying this rejection as trauma. As a consequence, many sex workers don’t like to look for answers and explanations within those same mainstream religions. Astrology seems to be much more appealing because it’s largely free of that same judgment and of the morbid dogmatic restrictions mainstream religions impose on bodies.

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? There is another community that shares this kind of religious trauma, rejection, and body policing: the queer community. Very interestingly, they also share the sex worker community’s obsession with astrology, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence. In fact, there are many overlaps between the sex worker and the queer community. The first commonality we share is marginalization. Religion is not the only institution that enforces strict dogma over other people’s bodies, and governments too have been preoccupied with punishing anybody who doesn’t conform to heteronormativity: with stigma, violence, and restrictive laws. 

Both queerness and transactional sexualities fall into the same category of non-conformity. Non-conforming genders and sexualities challenge the patriarchal power structures on which western society is built upon, hence the attempt to suppress them. Queerness, then, becomes not only a sexual and gender orientation or presentation, but also a statement against cisheteronormativity - the same way as sex work is not only a job, but it’s also a subversion of the norm. Queer people and sex workers become symbols of the fight for sexual freedom and bodily autonomy.

Not surprisingly, many queer people get into sex work. The marginalization afflicting queerness comes with discrimination in the workplace and related difficulties in finding employment. Back in 2021, I was in Aotearoa (New Zealand) doing some research about decriminalization and I came across some interviews with queer indigenous sex workers. Māori, who represent approximately one third of the country's population of sex workers, are overrepresented in the streets and they are often transgender (Armstrong, 2018. Escavage, 2016). Māori trans sex workers are the most vulnerable and discriminated group, and the discrimination they experience acts on several levels: it is not always clear if it is due to their occupation, based on their gender, or their indigeneity. Very likely all three play a part. 

Mainstream religions have historically rejected sex work, denying us dignity and even our right to exist.

The interviewees explain that stereotypes that cast anything outside of heterosexuality as social deviance result from colonisation. That negative attitudes towards people who are not conventionally categorised within the western gender binary make it hard for trans people to find employment, becoming a barrier to employment outside the sex industry. This could explain the over-representation of Maori sex workers engaging in street based work. Even with all its dangers and disadvantages, street work offers trans workers a sense of acceptance they don’t find in other employment sectors and, according to these interviews, “for transgender Māori sex workers, discrimination and stigma outside the sex industry were the main factors affecting their well-being, and the majority found that the sex industry was less discriminatory” (Escavage, 2016, p.43). 

Trans workers also talk about a feeling of “whānau” (extended family) found on the street with other workers. They talk about a sense of belonging to a transgender community they could identify with and a chance to allow their identity to flourish. Some mention coming from dysfunctional backgrounds, where their families rejected them for being different or coming from low-income families, all factors that led them to turn to sex work as a means to survive (Escaravage, 2016).

The history of sex work and the history of queerness have always been intertwined. All in all, astrology seems to be a way for marginalized communities to reclaim a spirituality that has been denied to them. Personally, I like the idea that astrology gifted us with another thread that strengthens the connection between our communities. 

Resources:

-  Armstrong, Lynzi. “Stigma, Decriminalisation, and Violence Against Street-Based Sex Workers: Changing the Narrative”, Sexualities, 2018

- Escaravage, Elise. Voices of Maori Sex Workers, 2016

Age verification laws are being enforced in the UK, France, and Germany

When we make changes on Tryst.link, we aim to improve the site for everyone. Sadly, sometimes changes are forced upon us. We have made changes to how photos are viewed in some countries in order to comply with new ‘online age assurance’ laws that impact sex workers, clients, and the wider public. This change will affect all visitors to Tryst.link (clients and providers alike) with French, German, and United Kingdom IP addresses. 

What we’re doing about these laws

Photos containing nudity will soon be hidden, and then replaced with heavily blurred versions, in these regions. We would have preferred to blur photos from the start, but the legislation was inconsistent and is still changing. We decided it was better to be compliant immediately by hiding nudity, then work to blur nude photos later. This minimises the risk for the platform overall and helps us, and you, stay online. 

Why we’re first hiding, then blurring nude photos

We don't want to censor nudity, but the alternative is blocking access to, or worse, withdrawing Tryst.link entirely from Germany, the UK and France. We do not want to abandon our users because of these misguided, intrusive, expensive, and impractical age assurance requirements for visitors, so we’ve chosen to limit visibility instead. This keeps your profiles accessible to all visitors from these regions, but unfortunately, without any of your images that contain nudity.

Future changes

In the near future, we will also make modifications to your dashboard and the photo upload page to clearly explain which photos will be censored for regions that require it. This will allow impacted providers to make informed changes to their profiles if they want to. As with blurring, we wanted to include this with our original changes. We know this isn't ideal.

Sometimes, we are forced to make changes quickly and catch up in imperfect stages. In this changing world, we're likely to have to make similar changes in the future without being able to provide you with the most complete version or information from the start. We will always do our best to follow up with additional improvements and clear communication as soon as we can, because we want you to be in the loop as much as possible—especially about legislative changes that impact your business.

Potential impact

I don't know what impact, if any, these changes will have on your potential client inquiries yet. This is uncharted territory for us and the industry as a whole. These laws are changing rapidly, and we expect that they will continue to change as legislators and the public notice the impact on their own lives. Whatever happens, we aim to keep Tryst.link online and available to as many providers and visitors as possible. 

The shifting landscape of online legislation

Unfortunately, France, Germany, and the UK are not the only countries exploring internet age assurance laws, just some of the first to enforce them. Many jurisdictions around the world are considering or already implementing “gated access” to adult content. These proposals are rarely written by experts in the field. They often have very poorly defined expectations for platforms, and very broad definitions around the content that could be affected by these rules. In this industry, we're very familiar with the ways these poorly defined rules have led to social media platforms losing far more content and users than they intended to (F’s in the chat for a certain porn-banning blue website). 

 As more laws are passed, we will do our best to navigate compliance with laws that are inherently anti-sex worker, while operating a platform that has the best interests of sex workers at heart.

Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!

We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨

There's always a lot going on in our amazing community! Here are some of the latest events, news, and resources for workers.

Are you involved in an event? Do you have some news to share? Are you aware of an industry initiative that deserves a shout-out? Let us know!

• SWOP Minneapolis ‘Heaux Maintenance’ Practitioners Applications - Practitioner, facilitator, and volunteer sign-ups open - apply here

• Dance With Kitty (Velour) - free online course - introduction to floorwork available here.

• Harlot Shop Accepting “Whoredrobe” Donations on Behalf of Vixen - Tuesday-Saturday in Collingwood, Naarm - more info here

• Kitty Obsidian’s Gender Affirming Surgery - donate here

• ASSfest Sydney - 29 August to 7 September -  buy tickets here

• Working Girls Press callout: Liquid Silver: An Anthology of Science Fiction and Fantasy by Sex Workers. More info here.

Recommended reading from the Tryst Team

Read: Girlhood by Melissa Febos

Listen: Sexquisite Podcast Ep4 - Cocoa Kink

Watch: Filth and Wisdom (2008)

In the media

See below for the latest industry news pieces and mentions in the media.

• ‘Statement of Closure of Ugly Mugs Ireland’ - General News, Ugly Mugs
• ‘Seattle Sex Worker Collectives Are Providing Health Care to Their Community—and a Model For the Country’ - Annemarie Doolin, for ‘Rewire News Group’
• ‘Stripper News’ Diney on Shadowbans, Social Media and Sex Workers Telling Their Own Stories’ - Hanna Harris, for ‘Polyester Zine’
• ‘Sex Workers Deserve a New Story’ - Sophia Satchell-Baeza, for ‘Art Review’
• ‘Queer women hire sex workers, too’ - Lexci Lust, for ‘The Georgia Straight’
• ‘Kayla Jade is Australia's most famous sex worker. There's a reason most of her fans are women’ - Elfy Scott, for ‘SBS News’
• ‘What it’s like dating as a sex worker: ‘I’d still be single if I hadn’t met my partner in a brothel’’ - Brit Dawson, for ‘Cosmopolitan’
• ‘Sex work in the gig economy’ - The Economist
• ‘Fiona Patten: Trailblazer, politician, and sex worker advocate’ - Nathan Langridge for ‘Ticker News’
• ‘LLMs are optimizing the adult industry’ - Lux Alptraum, for ‘The Verge’
• ‘Decriminalise now: The new law written by sex workers, for sex workers’ - Carolyn Stransky Vohr, for ‘The Berliner’
• ‘Performance review: The Act, RISING, Chunky Move Studios’ - Madeleine Swain, for ‘Arts Hub’
• ‘Pride Month 2025 | Everything is Connected: Sex Worker Rights, HIV Justice, and Cross-Movement Solidarity’ - Vera Rodriguez, for European AIDS Treatment Group
• ‘A Dive Into the ‘Bop’ Lifestyle: How TikTok is Glamorising Sex Work’ - Charlotte Ambrose, for ‘Trill Mag’
• ‘Sex workers are having a moment, but is the discourse missing the mark? - Alyssa Goldberg, for ‘USA Today’
• ‘Steam and Itch.io Are Pulling ‘Porn’ Games. Critics Say It’s a Slippery Slope to More Censorship’ - Megan Farokhmanesh, ‘Wired’
• ‘Itch.io are seeking out new payment processors who are more comfortable with adult material’ - Edwin Evans-Thirlwell, ‘Rock Paper Shotgun’
• ‘Will internet age verification actually work?’ - Emma Garland, ‘Huck Magazine’
• ‘Thousands from LGBTQI+ and sex worker communities can now donate plasma’ - Freya Noble, ‘ABC News’
• ‘Rangeen review: Vineet Kumar Singh-starrer starts bold, ends in confusion’ - Jaya Dwivedie, ‘India TV’
• ‘"Safe To Say I'm A Lesbian Now": 17 Sex Workers Are Confessing The Most Shocking Moments They've Had In Their Careers, And They Range From Heartbreaking To "What The Hell"’ - Carley Sutherland, ‘BuzzFeed’
• ‘Women’s Histories of Sex Work: Narratives of Conflict, Courage and Survival’ - Mia Abeyawardene, ‘Groundviews’
• ‘Melbourne’s Butterfly Club Closes Indefinitely’ - Gabi Bergman, ‘Aussie Theatre’

Don’t forget to check back in a month’s time for our next update!

Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!

We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨

The air thickens, doesn't it? A different kind of heat rises when Black women decide the terms. For too long, our essence has been a commodity in a brutal market, our desires silenced, our stories twisted.

Imagine: centuries of unpaid labor transforming into crisp banknotes. This isn't just a kink; it's a revolution, the pleasure of turning the tables. Financial domination, in our hands, mirrors colonial power, flipping the script so we are no longer devoured but the devourer. To be seen by us, to serve us, these become acts of devotion.

Think of the chains that bound our ancestors. Their labor built fortunes, their wealth stolen. When a Black Findomme receives her due today, it transcends transaction. It’s a visceral undoing, a quiet storm of economic reclamation and justice served with a seductive smile.

This work, darling, is sacred, through the fierce sanctity of self-ownership. It’s reverence for my time, the intoxicating power of my image, my untamed erotic energy offered without apology. When my voice cuts through, they listen. When I demand tribute, wallets open. I am the conductor of this delicious exchange.

This is the wealth our foremothers were systematically denied, the sensual autonomy they buried. Financial domination bypasses stagnant capitalism, demanding recompense not for physical labor, but for our psychic presence, emotional command, and aesthetic power. It rewards what society tried to extinguish in us: confidence, sexuality, rage, brilliance. These, my love, become our capital. The money flows, satisfying and real. More importantly, we are truly seen.

Yet, let us not pretend this landscape is without its shadows. The world, as always, casts its biases into every corner, including the intimate spaces of the BDSM scene. White dommes often glide through these spaces with an ease afforded by their proximity to Eurocentric ideals of beauty, celebrated and centered while Black dommes often navigate a frustrating digital silencing, and rampant hypersexualization. We are too often expected to embody a caricature of strength, devoid of softness, our dominance stripped of its nuanced humanity. And yet, we defy these limitations.

Imagine: centuries of unpaid labor transforming into crisp banknotes. This isn't just a kink; it's a revolution...

Then there is the persistent ghost of racial fetishization, a disquieting shadow that sometimes flickers at the edges of these interactions. Some submissives are drawn to Black dommes not for our being, but for a warped, colonial fantasy, a twisted yearning to be “owned” by the descendants of those their ancestors enslaved. While on the surface this might seem like a subversive act, it often reeks of a painful reenactment of racial trauma rather than a genuine healing. As Findommes, we walk a delicate tightrope, constantly discerning the line between true empowerment and insidious exploitation, between reclaiming our power and unwittingly replaying old wounds.

But hear this, many of us step into this world with eyes wide open. We are not naive. We understand the games that are often played. And we choose, with fierce intention, to play them on our own damn terms.

My own path to this particular form of sex work was not a straight line. My early life was marked by a quiet resilience in a world that often felt deafeningly loud. I carried the weight of survival, the scars of violation, the defiance of a spirit that refused to be contained by systems that sought to diminish me. But the necessity of survival breeds a certain ingenuity. I navigated the murky waters of sugar dating, the glittering stage of stripping, the world of full service. I became a keen observer of men, learning to decipher the unspoken desires lurking beneath their carefully constructed facades, to read the intentions behind their offers. 

Eventually, I carved out a path that resonated with a deeper truth, a way to generate abundance without surrendering myself. Then I found Findomme.

Stepping into this role felt like unlocking a door that had been waiting for me. I realized, with a jolt of exhilarating clarity, that I could be compensated not just for my labor in a traditional sense, but for the very essence of my being, for my rich and complex energy. The very qualities that society had often punished in Black women, my confidence, my unapologetic attitude, my fierce refusal to shrink, my inherent refusal to serve on anyone’s terms but my own, these were now the very things that commanded payment.

Stepping into this role felt like unlocking a door that had been waiting for me.

When a man, often a man who has benefited from the very systems that oppressed my lineage, willingly sends me money simply because I have commanded it, it is a potent act of protest, a tangible disruption of the old order.

This work is deeply spiritual. I invest in my well-being, building future foundations. I rest, a radical act in a world that demands constant output. I inspire other Black women to tap into our sexual energy. For some, this means preserving our essence through abstinence, transforming it into a vibrant, buzzing sacral energy. This alchemy fuels intuition, command, and magnetic presence, making our desires profoundly manifested and undeniably obeyed.

Shame has no place in my narrative. I live unapologetically in my sacred, sexy truth.

I am the manifestation of the desires of those who never saw a dime for their endless labor. I am walking, breathing reparations, and my time is precious.

To be a Black Findomme is economic resistance, to boldly take what was never offered, to alchemize fantasy into wealth, creating abundance where only survival once existed. This isn't just about control or gain. It's generational healing, strategically seducing power back into our hands. 

Through our erotic command, we reclaim narratives, rewrite power dynamics, and affirm that Black femininity is not just divine, it is luxurious, and uncompromisingly worthy of worship. This is more than kink

The next time you see a Black Findomme holding court, know she's channeling her strength, correcting history. She is receiving, with intention. She is not begging for scraps. She is billing history. And it’s long past time she got hers paid back, with interest.

Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!

We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨

January 2025, Pasadena

I encouraged him to drive through Altadena after we went to the bar because he wanted to and felt bad about the wanting, about going out of the way to look. I am paid to take this kind of accountability.

As we crossed into burnland, color evaporated. He wondered why there weren’t more army tanks. I said there was nothing left to protect.

Sporadically a house sat untouched, which was worse. Where are your friends? Where are your parents?

All sound had been sucked from the air, the kind of quiet that only exists in black and white photographs. The kind of quiet that has a scream locked inside.

I said we should turn around before we bring a ghost back with us, a thing I worry about when touring haunted places.

Returning to the world of light and action was like stepping into Oz after the sepia tones of Kansas.

Back on his couch we watched Seinfeld, ate brie on crackers, and had polite sex before bed. Our usual routine, except when it was time to sleep, I couldn’t.

Instead I lay in his custom sized bed while images of chimneys standing in rubble and soot stained slabs of wall streamed behind my eyelids, thinking about Altadena’s origins as a redline neighborhood, its rich history of Black home ownership and other disappeared silver linings.

He slept seamlessly until the sun rose and it was time to take me home.

I am paid to take this kind of accountability.

Are you a sex worker with a poem, story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!

We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨

Okay, hear me out.

Imagine that you have just come home after a long shift at the strip club–and I mean looong. Like 9 PM to 6 AM long. It is now between 7 AM and 8 AM, because you had to take public transit home and also take the compulsory post-shift shower. You are slightly tipsy from a bit too much champagne–enough that you could feel a little hungover when you do eventually wake up again around 5 PM–and you are hangry. But also, exhausted. What could fill you, satisfy you, soothe your stomach irritated by tobacco and alcohol, and send you comfortably to sleep with a full belly–but also takes less than 5 minutes with minimum effort to prepare?

The answer, my friend, is instant ramen with potato chips in it. I know it may sound crazy, but this is one of those things you hear about and think it sounds yucky until you try it, and are like “Oh, I get it.” I was the same way as a kid when I read about eating macaroni & cheese with salsa (and I mean proper salsa, like fresh pico de gallo or salsa verde) in the Sammy Keyes teenage detective books series. The dish was the favorite food of the protagonist, and I thought it was insane. Then I was finally tempted to try it, and it slapped! But proper mac & cheese takes a long time to prepare, and has a speedy expiration date. Enter instant ramen and a bag of Lays.

This has been my go to cheap/quick/hungry/hangover-prevention meal for ages. It started in high school, when the Korean bar I used to go to made these amazing bowls of vegetable ramen we ate after consuming too many beers. The hot broth and noodles soothed my stomach and seemed to soak up the alcohol, ensuring that I woke up without that empty-calorie sick feeling. Yet my tongue was missing the salty component and additional heft of a bag of plain potato chips–the official go-to snack of 2000’s urban youth like myself–to round out the flavor palette. 

This has been my go to cheap/quick/hungry/hangover-prevention meal for ages.

When I started consuming instant ramen in my freshman year of college, somehow potato chips eventually entered the bowl and stayed there. I’m unsure why I started doing this; I don’t think I made it up myself. However the combination came into my life, I feel very happy about it. Instant ramen, while perhaps not the most “nutritious” as a processed food, is very filling. If you pick the right brand, it can be truly delicious.

My preferred brand is the Nongshim Veggie Ramyun in the green package. This version is a bit spicy and has a kick to it, so be warned if you can’t handle flavor. I like this particular instant ramen brand because the noodle quality and flavor profile is very high compared to say, Chicken Flavor Cup of Noodles (yucky, but most of what I ate in freshman year of college and very affordable), or the White Chicken Yatekomo noodles I use when I can’t find Nongshim in certain parts of Europe–sadly, I no longer have a local H-Mart with an entire aisle dedicated to instant noodles I can browse freely at. While not ramen, the Allgroo Udon brand is also a good alternative–although I have only tried their Mushroom & Tofu flavor and don’t find the addition of the potato chips a good alternative there. Nongshim is so good that I have used it as a proper dinner as well, preparing well-seasoned beef meatballs, making two packages of the ramen, and putting the cooked meatballs in the soup. This is fantastic, but like any Caribbean woman raised by elders of a certain generation, I will never share the recipe for seasoning my meats with anyone but my own children.

However, instant ramen plus potato chips is my trusty and reliable meal to put something on my stomach for less than 5 EUR, particularly after ingesting alcohol and/or not having the energy to do anything but open a package, boil water, and then slurp down a soup after 3 minutes or less of wait time. The salt and heavier consistency of the soaked potato chips adds dimension to instant ramen if it feels otherwise too plain. It can also be made anywhere you have a kettle and some utensils.

Recipe:

(Ingredients)

1 - 2 packages your preferred instant ramen

1 bag salted plain potato chips 

[Optional: Soy sauce, or chopped cilantro if you are feeling fancy]1. Open ramen package and place into bowl. Set seasoning packets aside.

2. Boil water.

3. Pour hot water into bowl over ramen noodles and cover. I like to add the seasoning at this time too so that it soaks more into the noodles.

4. Wait for the allotted time stated on the ramen package.

5. Open bag of potato chips. 

6. Pour the bag of chips into the bowl of ramen.

6b. Add seasoning now if you didn’t already. Add garnishes if you prepared them before going to work like a responsible gourmet adult connoisseur.

7. Eat and enjoy.

8. Go the fuck to sleep.

Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!

We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨

Traveling with a companion can turn any trip into something extraordinary! Whether you're hoping to share a quiet moment in your hometown, bring connection to a business trip, or explore a destination on your bucket list, inviting someone special along (maybe your all time favourite companion, maybe someone new) can make your experience deeper, richer, and more memorable.

But if you're new to this kind of arrangement, it’s natural to feel a little overwhelmed. Booking a fly-me-to-you date (FMTY) is different from a local meeting, and you want to make sure you get it right! 

As someone who has shared many travel dates over the years, from long-haul international adventures to cozy weekends away, I’ve had the pleasure of guiding many kind, thoughtful clients through the process! This guide is designed to demystify it, answer your most common questions, and walk you through the steps so you feel confident in planning a travel experience with your favorite companion.

What is a FMTY? And what do other travel acronyms mean?

A FMTY (Fly Me To You) date happens when a companion travels to your location. Maybe they’re flying to your city for a weekend, meeting you halfway in a destination of your choice, or tagging along during a conference to add some joy to your downtime. If they’re not already located in or touring the area, it’s considered a FMTY.

Other terms you might see

- TMTY (Train Me To You): same idea, but traveling by train

- DMTY (Drive Me To You): they drive themselves, usually for nearby destinations

- FYTM (Fly Yourself To Me): you’re the one traveling to their home base

Why choose a travel date over someone local?

There are plenty of reasons to invite someone to join you:

- You’ve developed a connection with a specific companion

- You’re celebrating something meaningful

- You’d like a trusted face by your side while traveling

- You’re attending an event or conference and want a shared experience

- You prefer privacy and discretion away from home

For many, the appeal lies in the continuity and emotional ease that comes from traveling with someone who already feels familiar: someone who knows your favourite wine, remembers to always bring your favourite sound machine on overnights, and shares your sense of adventure and vacation style!

Where can I book a FMTY? What types of dates work well?

If your companion is open to the location, the sky’s the limit. FMTY dates can happen almost anywhere:

- A business trip where they meet you for dinner and help wind down your evenings

- A visit to your hometown for a low-key escape

- An international destination like Iceland, Morocco, or even Antarctica!

- A convention, film festival, or event you’d enjoy attending together

Not every travel date has to be luxurious. Some of the most meaningful connections grow out of simpler moments: sharing a milkshake in a small-town diner, laughing under the stars while camping, or watching your favourite show on a hotel couch.

Is there a typical length for a FMTY?

The minimum and maximum length depends on the individual provider and the travel distance involved.

A rough guideline:

- For closer destinations (under 4 hours), a dinner date or overnight may be enough

- For cross-country or international travel, aim for at least 24 hours to make it worthwhile

Longer dates offer more time to relax and build intimacy, but what's most important is aligning expectations with your companion and reviewing their policies.

Can a FMTY be our first time meeting?

Absolutely. Some companions, myself included, are happy to meet someone for the first time on a travel date. An overnight or weekend together can be a wonderful way to dive into something immersive and get to know one another in a relaxed setting. Just be sure to communicate openly and ask any questions you have beforehand.

What goes into pricing a FMTY?

Some companions offer flat-rate FMTY packages that include their time, travel, and other expenses. I personally offer flat-rate FMTY options, which simplify everything and make planning easier for both of us, and saves time from you wondering if it’s in your budget before you reach out!

Others quote custom rates based on variables like:

- Destination

- Time of year

- Booking lead time

- Length of date

- Required travel upgrades (such as business class for health reasons, I know with my chronic pain, laying flat makes the world of difference)

- Any specific activities or requests

If you’re estimating costs yourself, you can multiply their daily or overnight rate by the number of days you’re envisioning, then add roundtrip travel, incidentals, and recovery time. Be mindful that they may also be blocking out several days to accommodate your date.

Why are FMTY dates more expensive than local ones?

It’s not just about the cost of a flight. Travel dates require significant planning, preparation, and recovery time. Your companion is setting aside multiple days for you, handling logistics, adjusting to travel stress, and stepping into a date with energy and presence. You’re receiving their full attention, likely in a new environment–and that added effort is reflected in the rate.

What’s usually included in the rate?

Every provider is different, but travel date rates often include:

- Their  time and companionship

- Travel expenses (flights, ground transport)

- Hotel stay if not hosted

Meals, activities, and other experiences may be arranged separately or included depending on your companion’s approach.

Not a planner? You’re in luck!

Many of us love curating dates! If the idea of sorting through hotel options or choosing restaurants sounds exhausting, simply say so in your inquiry. With the right information, your companion can create a thoughtful itinerary tailored to your taste and interests.

How much should I expect to pay up front?

A higher deposit than standard bookings is common. Depending on the provider, you may be asked to pay 30 to 75 percent in advance. Personally, I require 50 percent to secure FMTY dates, which allows me to begin booking travel right away.

What’s the difference between a FMTY and sponsoring a tour?

Sponsoring a tour means you’re helping to launch a visit to your city–your booking gets confirmed first, and your companion may see other clients during their trip. A true FMTY, by contrast, is arranged just for you. Some people offer only one or the other, some offer both! And some companions offer hybrid options, with the possibility of exclusivity if requested.

Who arranges the travel?

In most cases, the companion books their own flights and transport once the deposit is received. This ensures discretion, comfort, and flexibility. If you’re booking the hotel, ask whether they have any preferences or needs like bed size, a bathtub vs shower, or offer to let them  choose if you’d like them to handle it!

Will we share a room?

Often yes, but this depends on both of your comfort. If you’re unsure, ask. If you’re booking a shared room, choose one with a spacious bed. And if you know you’re a restless sleeper, offering a second room can be a thoughtful gesture.

How far in advance should I book a FMTY?

As soon as possible, especially if you have specific dates or are traveling during peak times. Booking early gives you more options and a smoother planning experience.

How do I get started with a FMTY inquiry?

1. Review your companion’s website thoroughly

2. Estimate the timeframe and costs

3. Send a detailed booking request that includes:

   - Proposed dates and duration

   - Destination

   - Any specific interests, preferences, or requests

   - Whether you’d like her to plan logistics

The more detail you provide, the easier it is to begin a clear and confident conversation.

Planning something special?

If you’ve got an upcoming trip, milestone, or event, it could be the perfect time to explore what a travel date could look like. A little connection goes a long way, and a fly-me-to-you experience can turn an ordinary trip into something extraordinary!

Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!

We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨

I have always had a hunger for dismantling and deconstructing the oppressive structures within our society. I was “that bitch” in your high school Econ class going rounds with your conservative teacher, the student who showed up to every school board meeting fighting for tampons in the boys bathroom, the person whose research topics made every conservative white kid blow up in rage. I was the angry, opinionated student every teacher prayed they’d never get. 

Higher education was my beacon of hope–as it is for most activists growing up in conservative spaces–it was this fantasy place where knowledge is prized and critical thinking is supposedly nurtured. I will not deny that it hasn’t been a great opportunity for me; Academia has helped me develop as a writer, as a thinker, and most of all, as a person. But I have noticed that in this supposed space of liberation, inclusivity, and justice, there is a deep and persistent silence surrounding sex work. From outright erasure to the normalization of whorephobia under the guise of “empowerment”, these courses often just function as agents of exclusion: upholding the respectability politics they so pride themselves on critiquing. 

I have noticed that in this supposed space of liberation, inclusivity, and justice, there is a deep and persistent silence surrounding sex work.

One of my first experiences with this was in, ironically enough, an American radicalism class. We were assigned a basic research assignment: write ten pages on a radical movement in history that you’re passionate about. I chose to write my paper on the sex workers rights movement, and, in my naivety, assumed my professor would be so totally chill and normal about this. I was, apparently, quite mistaken to make this assumption. What I thought was going to be an opportunity to flex my extensive knowledge on a movement I cared about turned into the world’s most petty back and forth argument I have ever had with a supposedly “woke” middle aged woman who, “just didn’t see the value in writing about such a ‘provocative’ topic that had no actual impact on American society”. I sent this woman about ten different links, including highlighting sections of text proving her wrong, before dropping the class so I didn’t get kicked out for throat chopping a professor in my first term. 

But this wasn’t a one off occurrence; even in disciplines that examine gender, sexuality, labor, and power–courses like sociology, women’s studies, cultural studies etc–sex work is often omitted, misrepresented, or only discussed through limited frameworks. When sex work is mentioned, it is mostly within the context of trafficking or in terms of victimhood and exploitation. 

Ironically enough, (at least in my experience) this is most persistent in the classes and courses that so heavily advertise themselves as feminist and progressive. These spaces use language of "empowerment" selectively, embracing certain forms of sexual expression while condemning others. A student exploring kink in a literature course might be praised for her bravery, while a peer who engages in professional BDSM work is dismissed as damaged or desperate. There is a pole-dancing class offered in my campus gym, and it is celebrated as body-positive fitness, but a student who does the same thing as a stripper is met with side eyed glances and disgust. 

These spaces use language of "empowerment" selectively, embracing certain forms of sexual expression while condemning others.

Such narrow portrayals erase the diversity of experiences within sex work; from survival-based labor to chosen professions, to street-based work and online content creation. We are missing a huge piece of the puzzle, and as a result, students are rarely exposed to nuanced, critical discussions that treat sex work as legitimate labor or examine the systemic forces that shape it. This is not merely an oversight; it is a purposeful act of erasure. By excluding sex work from serious academic engagement, institutions send a clear message: that this form of labor is not worthy of study, that the people who engage in it do not deserve visibility, and that their voices do not matter. That their labor is invisible and that their identities are to be compartmentalized. 

Empowerment, in their eyes, is only valid when it is symbolic, temporary, and easy to digest. Real empowerment, the kind that challenges conventional boundaries, that forces you to look at the aspects of survival and choice, is too messy to be welcomed into the classroom. You are expected and encouraged to be an empowered, confident, feminist icon, but only in ways that are “respectable” and do not threaten the institutional norms.

Until institutions reckon with their own biases, challenge the myth of respectability, and uplift the voices of those most often silenced, they will continue to perpetuate harm under the guise of progress. True empowerment cannot be cute and fuzzy and "respectable", it must begin with the radical act of listening, believing, and creating space for all forms of labor and life.

Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!

We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨

End-to-end encryption (aka E2EE) is one of those technologies that's easy to take for granted. Apps you probably use daily like Signal, WhatsApp and even iMessage use E2EE. It helps sex workers and clients communicate with peace of mind that their discussions are private. It's not a stretch to say that without end-to-end encryption, sex work would be orders of magnitude riskier than it already is. 

That's also the reason cops hate end-to-end encryption. I'm not just guessing that they hate it, they've been telling us for years that they hate it.

Giving an uncommon statement to the media, the UK's MI5 chief labelled E2EE in 2021 as "giving those rare people – terrorists or people who are organising child sexual abuse online, some of the worst people in our society – a free pass where they know that nobody can see into what they are doing in those private living rooms".

The director of the FBI told Texas A&M University in 2023 that E2EE enables "an entirely unfettered space that’s completely beyond fully lawful access — a place where child predators, terrorists, and spies can conceal their communications and operate with impunity — and we’ve got to find a way to deal with that problem".

Addressing the Australian Press Club in 2024, the boss of ASIO said that "unaccountable encryption is like building a safe room for terrorists and spies, a secure place where they can plot and plan", and went on to compare E2EE messaging apps to "a section of a city where violent extremists could gather with privacy and impunity".

Noticing a theme here? All of the most powerful cops in the UK, USA and Australia wheel out the usual cliches, including conflating sex work and sex trafficking, to scare us into thinking E2EE is something evil rather than a tool used every day by ordinary people just doing their jobs. In those speeches and comments are also excuses like "we're big fans of encryption, and want people and companies to be able to keep their data safe", "asking the tech companies to do more" and they only want to read our messages on "rare occasions". 

Do their claims have any merit? Is it possible, like law enforcement insists, to retain the privacy afforded by E2EE while also giving them a way to intercept and monitor the communications of "bad guys"?

How end-to-end encryption works

The core concept of E2EE is that when a message leaves your device and arrives on the other person's device, that message is encrypted the entire way. The contents are never revealed until the other person opens their device and reads it, because only the people involved in the conversation have the keys to unlock those messages. Police can ask the service operator to give them the keys, but the operator doesn't have them so has nothing to hand over. 

An extra layer of privacy - referred to as "encryption at rest" - means that the messaging service stores messages on their servers encrypted as well. This allows users of the service to access their messages on multiple devices. In this scenario you also have the key used to encrypt this data, so if the police ask for records or chat logs of conversations, the operator of the service can say "bro, we legit can't see these messages, yeah they're on our servers but they're encrypted and we don't have the keys and we also don't know how to crack the encryption used".

Why do cops hate E2EE?

People organising their crimes on the internet has made life easy for law enforcement. Instead of boring stakeouts and difficult surveillance, they get a warrant, serve it to an ISP and sit in a comfy office to collect information on suspects. In some circumstances and jurisdictions, they don't even need a warrant. Hell, with the current state of advertising driven data collection and systems like Palantir and Auror, surveillance data is handed to law enforcement on a silver platter.

E2EE makes life difficult for law enforcement. They can't tap someone's phone to hear what they're saying. They can't read their emails. They can't access chat room logs. All that stuff has migrated to E2EE apps now. Obtaining hard evidence, like written proof that someone admits to doing something, is no longer an option if E2EE is used instead of traditional internet communications. 

For possibly the first time since the invention of mass communication, the regular person has an upper hand over law enforcement and a way to genuinely have private conversations. Previously such technology was too difficult to use, but now it's everywhere. The information power dynamic flipped and that scares the shit out of law enforcement, the government, and other powerful entities, so of course, it has to be squashed so us proles don't get too uppity.

Can't we give cops access without compromising privacy?

The simple answer is no. The two concepts are total opposites. There's no combination of privacy and surveillance that are compatible with each other when it comes to E2EE.

Law enforcement talks about "key escrow" (registering your encryption keys to the government so they can have a poke at your messages at their leisure), "ghost users" (silently adding a law enforcement participant to a group chat) or "automated on-device scanning" (literally scanning everything that appears on your device's screen and flagging anything suspicious), but these are unserious ideas from unserious people.

From a technical perspective, as soon as you integrate a third party into E2EE, that encryption is no longer "end to end", is it? Someone not involved in the conversation suddenly has an unencrypted copy of the messages and then it's game over for privacy. There's also the inevitable external compromise and internal staff abuse of whatever half-arsed system is built by a government contractor for access to the unencrypted messages. 

What law enforcement doesn't say is that by sticking their beaks into everyone's business, they're disproportionately violating our human right to freedom of opinion and expression. The United Nations said way back in 2015 that "encryption and anonymity enable individuals to exercise their rights to freedom of opinion and expression in the digital age and, as such, deserve strong protection". Compromising E2EE compromises freedom for all of us.

Join the fight to protect E2EE

Governments all over the world are listening to the complaints of their law enforcement agencies who are demanding not only legislation to allow them access to E2EE messages (many already have this legal right!) but to start forcing and punishing tech companies for not bending to their will.

The good news is that tech companies do fight back when pushed into compromising security for their users. When the UK forced Apple to give them access to information encrypted by the Advanced Data Protection feature, Apple didn't give in, but instead removed the feature for new customers in the UK, avoiding compromising it for the entire world. WhatsApp and Signal have said they'll do the same in the UK if they are put in the same position.

While it's great that some tech companies have grown a spine, it's better for everyone if the laws that enable governments and law enforcement to force tech companies compromise E2EE aren't created in the first place. 

We can support the great organisations doing the hard work of talking to policy makers, educating them about why E2EE is vital for everyone, including sex workers, and dispelling the myths law enforcement uses to sway politicians and their staffers.

• Electronic Frontier Foundation
• Digital Rights Watch
• Access Now
• Fight For The Future
• Electronic Frontiers Australia

Got a tech question for Ada? She wants to hear from you!

Ada answers all your questions about tech, the online world, and staying safe in it. No question is too silly, no hypothetical is too far-fetched! Learn to leverage devices, systems, and platforms to your benefit.

My Twitter feed, as always, is awash with discourse. This week a SWERF has broken containment. Her post about how sex workers can’t really be enjoying sex with clients is flooding my phone from all angles. Plenty of colleagues are commenting back, but I stay largely silent.  

Observing moments like these offer valuable insights into how the current moment perceives sex workers. What struck me from the SWERF’s post was the confident assertion that we could never enjoy sex with clients. The implication to me is that an onlooker can confidently know what we think, and what we feel in our bodies. SWERFs see us as robotic receptacles for clients’ desires. Ironically, in doing so they make us receptacles for their thoughts and desires too. We’re Schroedinger’s cat; we exist too much, and somehow, we don’t exist at all. 

When Tryst asked me to write for their new food column, I immediately thought of how there’s no better way to prove that we do in fact exist than by looking at the food sex workers eat. We live and work in neighbourhoods. We travel through cities. We cross borders, and settle into places we call home. Along all these journeys, we have to eat. Eating is a pure corporeal act - it connects the money we earn with our bodies, to the food we use to nourish those bodies. We leave traces of ourselves by eating, and our food leaves traces on us. Tracing our food traces us; our food is our proof of life. 

If there’s any encapsulation of how food can take and give life, it’s the British supermarket sandwich. To me, it doesn’t matter if it’s from a budget chain or a high end one. The two slices of dry bread, sparse filling, and cold aura - no matter how warm the weather is - suck all the joy out of any mealtime I hope to enjoy. These were the sandwiches I was eating regularly while studying and working a dead-end job before I started sex work. These were the sandwiches that kept me going, until one day they weren’t enough anymore. 

We leave traces of ourselves by eating, and our food leaves traces on us. Tracing our food traces us; our food is our proof of life. 

In my first ever booking, I dressed up in all black and made a sub crawl around while oinking like a pig. Watching him shuffle on his hands and knees while trying to hold on to a dog toy in his mouth was a surreal experience. I enjoyed it; I also felt like I was floating. On the way home, I dug my hand into my handbag, perhaps looking for my purse, or phone. Having not yet mastered the science of arranging my money in neat envelopes, what my fingers grasped against was loose cash. Notes and notes of cash. Cash that I held in my fist; cash that felt firm and real. 

Fruit was the first ever thing I bought with that cash. When I bought fruit before, it was a few staples thrown into my regular shopping basket. That night, I took my time choosing oranges, plums, grapes, and so many more. There was no particular reason I did this, other than I was craving fruit, and I had real cash to spend on great fruit. Everything about the fruit I bought with my cash tasted sharper and sweeter. When I bit into my navel orange, I felt a moment of pure presence that I hadn’t previously felt with food in years. It was a presence earned by knowing I’d earned all this cash for myself, by myself. To this day, fruit I buy with my cash tastes just as sweet. 

As I transitioned from domming to escorting, I started touring cities in the UK. This took me to living out of hotel rooms with no kitchen. On hunts for nourishing, tasty food between clients, I came to understand the tyranny of urban food. I was ostensibly surrounded by places to buy food, but most establishments were designed to make the working day smoother for office workers on quick lunch breaks. Ie, whether chain, independent, or high-end, these venues offered the same insipid nourishment I’d once stared down in my supermarket sandwiches. 

Everything about the fruit I bought with my cash tasted sharper and sweeter.

Crucially, these food venues were designed for workers who ate during the day. I almost never found anywhere to eat healthy, well prepared food in the evenings or nights. I noted the irony. These cities’ food spots were structured around men, but not the sex workers who kept those men company. Eating as a sex worker on tour was a lonely experience; I often craved to share my food with a colleague, or friend. Food in the city became a lens through which I understood sex workers’ position more generally in the urban landscape—vital, yet hidden.

Touring was inevitably temporary. Eventually, I took a different turn within escorting, towards companionship. I started accompanying clients to high end restaurants as part of our bookings, and this is largely what I still do now. I’ve transformed from being an eater who does sex work, to a sex worker who eats. 

There are some absolutely beautiful Michelin star restaurants I’ve had the pleasure of visiting. The food has been seasonal, local, and carefully crafted for genuinely good dining. There have also been some venues not worth their hype at all. I’ve sometimes looked up at my client from a plate of something I find particularly unappetising, wondering if it would be wonderfully authentic, or irreparably transgressive, to say, “I don’t like this, do you?”

Luxury food is designed to inspire awe. Consumption of the brand becomes the sustenance; amidst the stars, reviews, and glitter, the food becomes almost incidental. Disappointment feels transgressive when the image of the food becomes more important than the essence of the food. The role of the sex worker in these high end contexts becomes to reify this image of the food, by swallowing the food. To reify the image of luxury by disappearing into the luxury. 

Ever since my cash-bought fruit, I’ve known what real food tastes like. So sometimes, I take my clients from high end venues to local hotspots known only in London. We sit opposite each other on plastic chairs, munching into dishes we can’t find on Google reviews - Soho’s ramen, Camden’s donuts. We slow down in each other’s company, truly eating. We transform from playing roles to really existing, in the presence of good food, and good company. 

Often, I take this food home. Late at night, I’ll taste it all again, straight from the fridge. This is the food that comes straight from the city I know, to the body I own, every nourishing drop brokered by sex work. My mouth fills with flavour, and I come alive. 

Recipe: Cash-bought fruit salad

Visit your local market or greengrocers, and select the best fruit you can find. It should be firm and ripe. You can test the ripeness by smelling the top, where the stem is. It should smell sweet and ready. 

In my fruit salad, I use peaches, plums, red grapes, purple tomatoes, and navel oranges. I like how the colours run from orange to purple. You can use any fruit you enjoy, but I don’t recommend using bananas, as these go brown and unappetising very fast. 

Slice your fruit, bearing in mind that the shape of the fruit will change its taste and texture. I like to slice my grapes into halves, tomatoes into thin half slices, plums and peaches into thick whole slices, and oranges into big chunks. The smaller you cut your fruit, the more watery your fruit will be, which you may want in hot weather. 

Sprinkle a little sea salt on your fruit. You can also add a dash of red wine vinegar here. If you want to take your fruit salad in a different direction, you can also add mozzarella pearls and freshly torn basil leaves. 

Serve on a bed of thick, strained Greek yoghurt. 

Best eaten fresh.

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We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨

The concept of verifying someone's age before they access parts of the internet is gaining traction with governments all over the world.

Multiple US states require government ID before viewing adult content. France is issuing court orders for ISPs to block popular adult websites that do not implement technology to check how old a user is. The UK will soon start enforcing "age checks" to access online pornography and start punishing sites for not doing so.

While those efforts focus on "adult" content, Australia is taking age verification to the extreme having passed the Online Safety Amendment (Social Media Minimum Age) Act. It mandates social media platforms take "reasonable steps" to prevent people under 16 from having a social media account and takes effect on the 11th of December 2025. Despite only months until that date, two important things are still unknown - which platforms have to do this and how will they do it?

We know it'll likely impact Instagram and TikTok because those are the platforms catching all the tabloid media heat, but we don't know if major platforms like YouTube, Snapchat or even online games like Roblox or Fortnite with large social aspects, will need to check a user's age.

The legislation outlines what an "age-restricted social media platform" is (the criteria are really broad!) but also says that applicable platforms will be an "electronic service specified in the legislative rules". We do not have those rules. We do not know when they are coming or even how they will be decided. It gives the Minister for Communications the ability to ban anything on the internet they think kids shouldn't see, without input from anyone except two other government bodies - the eSafety Commissioner and the Office of the Australian Information Commissioner.

Despite only months until that date, two important things are still unknown - which platforms have to do this and how will they do it?

Even more ambiguous is how platforms will actually verify which of their Australian users are over the age of 16. While the legislation says that a platform must not "collect government‑issued identification material" or use an "accredited service" to verify a user's age, that rule doesn't apply as long as there is an "alternative means" and that doing so is "reasonable in the circumstances" of checking someone's age. So can Meta or TikTok or whoever the Minister thinks is corrupting the youth of Australia, demand all the adults of Australia present their ID before logging on?

In a vain attempt to assist platforms, the government awarded a $3.8m tender in November 2024 to Age Check Certification Scheme (ACCS), a UK independent not-for-profit company, to "examine age verification, age estimation, age inference, parental certification or controls, technology stack deployments and technology readiness assessments in the Australian context". The trial is now complete and the preliminary findings were made public on June 20th, 2025.

If you were expecting a comprehensive overview of all the age assurance technologies on the market, along with the results of detailed testing and statistics like reliability and accuracy, you will be sorely disappointed. Less than five months out from the law taking effect all we were given was a bunch of Powerpoint slides with vibes and moods about the testing that took place. Some concerning statements included:

• "we did not find a single ubiquitous solution that would suit all use cases, nor did we find solutions that were guaranteed to be effective in all deployments"
• "we found limited evidence that they could cope with the evolving capacity of children (particularly through adolescence), were able to enhance the rights of children to participate in the breadth of digital experiences or were effective and secure in the management of a child's digital footprint"
• "some providers were found to be building tools to enable regulators, law enforcement or Coroners to retrace the actions taken by individuals to verify their age which could lead to increased risk of privacy breaches due to unnecessary and disproportionate collection and retention of data"

Without any data to assess for ourselves, it’s difficult to trust what ACCS is saying about age verification systems is accurate. What we do know is that age verification systems are guesstimates, at best. They use fallable technologies like:

• Using a camera to detect a user's biometric data, which has a wide margin for error (even more so with non-white skinned people), leaving many people given an incorrect age.
• Deploying AI to assess what a user posts, likes and other metadata (e.g: websites they visit) to see if it lines up with others in a similar age group, further expanding the digital surveillance on all of us, but more so on children. 
• Linking a child's account to a parent's account and determining levels of access via parental controls, restricting a child or teenager's ability to explore and learn for themselves. Particularly dangerous for marginalised children and those in unsafe family situations. Also easily by-passable with a separate account.

The eSafety Commissioner's issues paper on age assurance highlights these problems - but the Age Check Certification Scheme's preliminary findings wave them away as minor issues and fails to provide their reasoning for making such statements.

In the time since ACCS's preliminary findings were released, Tim Levy, managing director of children's safety technology company Qoria, left the trial's 20-member independent stakeholder advisory board, questioning how thoroughly the various technologies were tested. Electronic Frontiers Australia's chair John Pane, who is also on the trial's advisory committee, raised concerns about why the trial data was not released publicly. 

Considering the hollowness of the preliminary findings, it's not unreasonable to assume that these age assurance methods will leave a lot to be desired in the task of verifying someone's age. How paranoid will the platforms be about government enforcement of their age verification methods? If they fear government backlash over kids slipping through the digital cracks, will they be forced to ask more groups of users to provide government ID to access their platform? 

If you were expecting a comprehensive overview of all the age assurance technologies on the market, along with the results of detailed testing and statistics like reliability and accuracy, you will be sorely disappointed.

How could this affect sex workers? Is this yet another thing that'll blow up our livelihoods? Maybe. People under 18 are already not supposed to be buying R18+/adult material, so there shouldn't be a big financial impact. You can absolutely expect that the systems used to attempt age verification will suck - either in false positives (people over 16 not passing as over 18) or poor user experiences that frustrate genuine customers who give up and put their credit cards or crypto wallets away. Maybe smaller platforms can't afford or justify the risk of operating an age checking service, so will block Australians to avoid getting punished by the eSafety Commissioner, further limiting the marketplaces available for sex workers.

It's also upsetting that this naive belief that kids shouldn't be exposed to "adult" topics will be yet another way to exclude queer kids from getting the information they need and finding their communities. Mainstream social media isn't a high quality source of LGBTIQ+ material at the best of times, but queerness is at least somewhat visible there. By pushing those kids into "safe spaces" controlled by adults, or more niche totally unmoderated areas of the internet (some of which may be good, but some may also be extremely bad), we are shrinking the surface area for a kid to learn about themselves. Don't just take my word for it, this is backed up by a report from the eSafety Commissioner. When we make the world smaller for kids, that's one less avenue for them to find comfort in life at an age where life is typically uncomfortable.

Got a tech question for Ada? She wants to hear from you!

Ada answers all your questions about tech, the online world, and staying safe in it. No question is too silly, no hypothetical is too far-fetched! Learn to leverage devices, systems, and platforms to your benefit.