Editor’s note: mentions of survival sex work
There’s a common narrative that sex workers are emotionally damaged people. I've heard countless stories of providers being subtly (and not so subtly) asked by clients about their histories and experiences in the work. “What’s the worst thing a client has done?”, “Have you ever felt unsafe?”, “How did you end up in this work?” I call this fishing for trauma porn – intentionally seeking out stories of harm to entertain the consumer who is outside that experience. They can observe while feeling secure in their privilege, and choose whether or not to offer a helping hand or judgment.
I once had someone spend twenty minutes explaining the importance of a college education to me, all without asking whether I had attended. He clearly assumed I had not received an education, as evidenced by his silent shock when I informed him that I had not one, but two advanced degrees. Recounting this still makes me smolder with anger. How dare he make assumptions about me based on the work I do?
My experience is, of course, not the experience of all sex workers. There are sex workers who haven’t had the time, interest, capacity, or finances to attend college, but the vast majority of sex workers I know either have or are currently obtaining collegiate (often advanced) degrees. In fact, many of the workers I know are dependent on sex work to afford their programs. This was how I entered the industry myself.
Many of the workers I know are dependent on sex work to afford their programs. This was how I entered the industry myself.
No one forced me into the industry, and I was privileged enough to not need to rely on survival sex work to pay my rent. However, the full time job I worked with my bachelor’s level degree did not afford me enough financial freedom to pay for graduate school and take on more financial loans (I was still paying off the ones from undergrad). I made a calculated decision to enter sex work, knowing that there were real pros and cons to the decision. I entered a stigmatized field that had higher earning potential so I could get the education I needed in order to pursue the career of my dreams. Now that I have completed that degree and am working in the field I desired for full time “vanilla work,” I still find myself needing to rely on sex work to help pay down the exorbitant loans I had to take out in order to make my tuition payments.
The education that was supposed to help me get a job that would provide a more sustainable salary was keeping me in sex work.
I once read the words of a provider who had entered sex work at a young age for survival. She said, “society pimped me.” She had not entered sex work against her will at the hands of a controlling person, rather, the conditions in which she lived gave her few alternative options. I do not claim to know this same experience. As I mentioned before, I have been privileged enough to not need survival sex work. However, I can’t help but see the widespread application of her statement. Living in a capitalist society that consistently values profits over human lives has led many of us, sex workers and civilians, to make choices we might not have if we had other options. Being a Millenial, the narrative I was taught growing up was that if you worked “hard enough” and went to college, you could get a “good job” that would make you, not only financially secure, but able to access The American Dream.
Most of us know at this point that The American Dream is an illusion sold to us by corporations who profit the most from our suffering. But seeing the matrix doesn't take us out of it. Trying to earn enough to break out of this cycle is a daunting task few can achieve.
I'm often struck by how my work as a provider is dependent on the whims of another class of people. The folks who hire me live within a different societal tier, and I'm dependent on their generosity.
I entered a stigmatized field that had higher earning potential so I could get the education I needed in order to pursue the career of my dreams.
Sometimes I fantasize about getting that magical whale client who will be so charmed by my presence that he’ll offer to pay off my student loans… that’s what seems to happen to other girls on Twitter, right? Every time I’ve seen a post like that, celebrating the extravagance a client has spent on them, I feel a polarizing mix of pride for my fellow hustlers and shame about not bringing in the same luxury treatment. I know from being behind that curtain, that a lot of this is dazzle camouflage, meant to portray a certain brand to potential clients, but sometimes it’s hard to really internalize that. I wish financial abundance and success for all of us workers who are trying to pay down our debts, especially those that were supposed to help us access stable income.
I don't want to make it seem as though I'm advocating for leaving sex work if you don't want to. It's a valid career whether you engage for a short term or decades. However, I do wish the option to leave sex work and sustain a standard of living was more accessible to those who want to.
In New York City, and increasingly more cities around the US, the cost of living is rising at a speed that does not correspond with the slow rise of wages. Despite the wage stagnation, qualifications for jobs are getting stricter. I have a friend currently job hunting, and the field is daunting. It can be hard to find a job that pays a sustainable wage with a bachelor’s degree and near impossible without one. This system has made higher education more of a necessity for survival than it used to be. However, affording the cost of a college education is ever increasing. Young people are being coerced by this system into taking out predatory loans in order to finance a degree that may not even earn them enough to pay off those loans. How did we get here?
Capitalism makes whores out of all of us, hustling for wages that immediately go back into the hands of the few puppet masters managing the strings. Advancement only occurs at the beneficence of these few. As a provider, many of these wealthy individuals hire someone like me. By taking their money, I inevitably endorse their power. But how do I get these loans off my back without it?
Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!
We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨
