When tech folks meet sex workers, they often have grand ideas of ways they can change our industry for the better. But, unless you’re tech entrepreneur with lived sex work experience, I think you should reconsider.
To show you why, I’d like to share a story about a really bad start-up.
It began when I received an ominous direct message from a friend on social: “Have you seen this?” The link in their message led to a flashy one-page website for a European tech business that promised to revolutionise sex work. They planned to use blockchain technology (the stuff behind bitcoin and NFTs) to build an online platform that could connect sex workers with clients and manage payments discreetly.
At first glance, it seemed great. A page of professionally-designed diagrams showed how the system could create even more income for providers. But on close inspection, the whole thing was riddled with issues. The start-up promised ‘total anonymity for clients’, disregarding the fact that screening is essential to ensure the safety of sex workers. Unless clients are identifiable, we can’t trust that they’ll treat us respectfully! In the very next paragraph, the website promised to organise sex work ‘pop-up shops’. And, look, although brothel work is a legit way to make a living, I certainly did wonder how safe an independent escort might feel, if a tech company designed and ran their working spaces. Finally, the company talked about fighting back against sex trafficking, despite the fact that sex work and sex trafficking are two completely different activities. The fact that they saw trafficking as a side effect of sex work proved that they didn’t have the expertise to be running that kind of project.
When tech folks meet sex workers, they often have grand ideas of ways they can change our industry for the better.
As you may already know, sextech is huge right now. Put simply, the term ‘sextech’ refers to technology-driven business ventures that are designed to enhance and innovate in the field of human sexuality. Many of these businesses have benefited from the expertise of sex workers and some even focus on the sex industry itself, bringing us new ways to connect with clients and making our lives easier.
But the increased visibility of sextech in general, and of sex work specifically, isn’t always helpful for full-service workers. Although my job now has a certain level of street cred in the tech world, that enthusiasm doesn’t always translate into nuanced understanding. Often, when I meet someone from tech and tell them I’m an escort, their first response is, ‘I’ve always wanted to start an escort advertising site!’ And although it’s not always obvious, internally I often heave a huge, long-suffering sigh.
Before I go any further, I want to reassure you that I have many friends who work in tech. They’re amazing people: socially aware, smart, and always looking for ways to innovate for the benefit of others. My tech-savvy friends have coached me through the process of applying for start-up funding, helped me get websites up and running, and advised me on thorny issues such as GDPR compliance. When sex workers and tech pros work together, we can do amazing things!
But there’s another kind of person in tech… less ‘tech pro’ than ‘tech bro’, they’re the type-A personalities that loom large in financial media, proselytizing about their latest ‘disruptive’ idea. They’re the dudes I meet on dating apps who, when they find out I’m a sex worker, try to sign me on as a co-founder for their ‘paid dating app’ start-up. They don’t like hearing ‘no’ and are supremely confident that their shiny brains and MBAs mean that they’re qualified to tackle any sort of business problem.
When sex workers and tech pros work together, we can do amazing things!
I suspect that these kinds of folks often see the sex industry as uncharted territory, where they can easily make their mark. They imagine they’ll be able to invite themselves in, win everyone over with their expertise, make bucketloads of money, and get street cred for engaging with an industry that’s so ‘edgy.’
Why is this a problem? Well, for starters, their ‘uncharted territory’ is very much charted! It’s a landscape already occupied by the original inhabitants: sex workers. We are all disruptive entrepreneurs who have chosen to make a living in an unconventional way. We’ve put the effort in to get to know our clients, figure out how to keep ourselves safe, and build strong connections with our peers. We live here, goddamnit!
Your average tech bro is completely ignorant about what it’s actually like to do business in the sex industry. They don’t understand the limitations we have to work under - the censorship, banking discrimination, political pressures, and safety issues that hamper our efforts to run our businesses professionally. They assume that they can simply port their skills across to our world, without making any effort to actually understand it.
This has led to some epic start-up disasters. For example, I remember once seeing a proposal for an escort booking app that would withhold a sex worker’s session fee until after the client has approved its release… a sure-fire way to be defrauded by bad actors! I once spoke with a founder who wanted to run a business that took a percentage of a worker’s fee and set it aside for them, to release back to them only after they’d ‘proved’ they’d quit the sex industry. She didn’t seem to understand how unethical it is to withhold someone’s income, nor the moral implications of encouraging a sex worker to leave their job.
They assume that they can simply port their skills across to our world, without making any effort to actually understand it.
Starting a sex work business when you have no experience can be a form of ‘white-knighting’ – assuming you know better than the people who actually do the work. When outsiders try to make our lives better by telling us what to do, it often does more harm than good. And the inference that we’re not capable of making our own decisions is disempowering and entrenches us further in stigma.
If you’re a tech expert or founder and you’re still reading this, chances are that one of the good ones. If you care deeply about the issues facing sex workers, I applaud you. But it’s not the only thing that matters. Being well-meaning won’t prevent you from doing harm. You also need to understand why the sex industry is so marginalised… and avoid assuming you’re the right person to come up with all the answers. Here are a few suggestions…
Educate yourself on the issues
Sex work stigma is complicated. Unless you’re familiar with the laws and political issues that affect workers in your specific location, you’ll never really understand what we deal with on a daily basis. This blog is a good place to start! You could also follow your local peer organisations on social media or read the latest articles and books put out by our writers and academics.
Accept your lack of experience
No matter how much research you do (or how many sex workers you speak with) you will never have the lived experience that we do. This means that there will be gaps in your knowledge and understanding that only sex workers can fill. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have all the answers!
Choose to mentor rather than lead
How can your experience and skills be used to help workers who already have great ideas? As I’ve already mentioned, sex workers are entrepreneurs. We’re also coders, designers, marketers. We don’t need you to do it for us! Instead, watch out for those who might benefit from your advice and encouragement. Help us by sharing your connections. Put us forward for industry programs and funding initiatives. This kind of mentorship is invaluable, and often overlooked by tech bros who would prefer to get the kudos for doing the work themselves.
Sextech is an exciting place to be… and the sex industry can be even more so. Things are changing quickly, and this unique environment – and its unique challenges – can be both fascinating and motivating. When used in tandem with societal and legal reform, there’s a lot of room for tech in sex work. But if you’re a tech enthusiast with a great idea for our industry, I’d caution you to think twice. At the end of the day, sex workers are the original entrepreneurs, and we’re best-placed to understand what’s needed.
In short: don’t be the next tech bro to found an embarrassing sex-industry startup! Instead, figure out how your skills and experience can help sex workers build better lives for ourselves.
Are you a sex worker with a story, opinion, news, or tips to share? We'd love to hear from you!
We started the tryst.link sex worker blog to help amplify those who aren't handed the mic and bring attention to the issues ya'll care about the most. Got a tale to tell? 👇☂️✨
