elsi dawson
shit's fucked, let's bang.
a labour day bng day?! okay!! hello, my name is elsi dawson. i have an intensity that has been described as 'not for the faint of heart' and 'better with her than against her,' but once you've earned my trust, i'm a big melting softie. i'm very handy, nearly fluent, and vocal. in my spare time, i enjoy playing with tools and thinking about construction. if society collapsed tomorrow, i'd spend my time designing compounds and leading teams to build them. my favourite part of sex work is being welcomed into the niche somewhere between 'close enough to be naked together' but 'far enough to tell our truest secrets'. and blowjobs. it has been explained to me how superlatives work, but i pick both. i'm turned off by the prospect of fancy dates in ritzy lounges with lavish cocktails. i'm not knocking it--there are frivolous things that catch my eye and bait my rent--but i feel more comfortable in establishments that have a steam-whistle sandwich board where the valet podium would be. the clients that fit me best are those that appreciate putting in a bit of effort to reap their reward. i've priced my services and geared my marketing to show that, above cash money, i command respect. if you can muster the few minutes to read the ad, follow the instructions, and contact me in such a way that shows you were paying attention, you will net yourself an elsi that is patient, understanding, and playful. i'm always seeking out the clients that appreciate my more modest rates, the ones with a little star next to their name, who notice how i pay attention to them and remember our time together, marvelling with me how time flies from minutes to hours to years that we've known each other and yet still we book and there's a magic and a bond that keeps us settling into our jokes and comfortable banter. and blowjobs. ;p i've been gone a minute and i'm working steadily to get all the plates spinning again. i know you miss the website, but i wanted to pull it to rework the parts of it that don't fit me anymore. please be braced to handle these tiddies--they've become quite the handsful. and if you think you remember what it's like to be swallowed whole, you don't, but i'd be very happy to remind you. okay, enough reminiscing. talk to you soon! LCxoxo
Availability
available: - with *at least* 24 hours notice OR for a same day premium - at elsi's incall in gastown, or elsi's incall in north burnaby, or outcall to your hotel room - with preference for repeat and returning clients - to women, men, other, and couples - with a deposit, if she should ask - with a proper introduction by sensible humans - *new restriction against people 6'8 and taller* - on the condition that consent is maintained please note that the "available now" function is used to indicate that elsi is or recently was in a position to receive messages and to schedule bookings. 'available now' does not mean that she got confused and accidentally got ready for a session without getting a booking. that's silly talk. who shows up to the conference room and then hopes the right meeting would just land there? a wild business practice, and not conducive to productive work.
Incall
sometimes, i wanna eat a bag of dicks! next bng day: labour day!
for life's unexpected elsi, add this to the hourly rate to book within 24hrs
north burnaby, full service incall
north burnaby, full service incall
north burnaby, full service incall
downtown vancouver, full service incall
downtown vancouver, full service incall
downtown vancouver, full service incall
Outcall
in case of emergency, smash. this is added to the hourly rate to book within 24hrs.
full service outcall to your hotel room
full service outcall to your hotel room
full service outcall to your hotel room
Policies
Deposits
deposits are required to make a booking with new clients, clients with spotty attendance records, and arbitrarily. a deposit is usually, but not always, about 25% of the booking cost and it goes towards your session. deposits are paid via e-transfer. for canadian clients, if you cannot or will not provide an e-transfer deposit, you are unlikely to get a booking. gift cards are for gifts, not rent and bills. your deposit can be transferred to a new booking with elsi's approval and on the condition that elsi hasn't already showered and shaved, at which point it's considered a lotion and laundry fee. for security reasons, deposits are generally non-refundable. if elsi tricks you into sending $20 when you're asking for things that are explicitly not available, she is acting on behalf of the universe to part a fool from their money. you can tell you're being tricked because she'll ask "and you've read the ad, right?" even though you both know that you have not read the ad. there will be little to no conversation about the kind of session you're looking for. common reasons for this trick are: - last minute, minimal effort 'hey bb' inquiries - uninvited fone calls in contravention of the no fone calls rule - off-menu and/or ridiculous requests if your inquiry is so bad that elsi elects to shoot for $20 instead of $300, please consider reading a few of the trystlink blog posts in the resources section. that said, if you're reading this before i've sent you a screenshot of it, you're likely to do just fine. you wouldn't believe how regularly i answer the fone, ask "and you've read my ad?" and they say "yes, i have." on a surprise fone call. this is why i drink.
Cancellations
please cancel with as much notice as possible so that your sweet elsi doesn't do the yucky parts of the sex work, like admin and changing sheets and cleaning, without getting to do the fun parts, like sitting on laps and saying fun jokes and slobbing knobs. it's what jesus would want.
Contact
if we've chatted before, please include that in your introduction along with the services you're seeking, a rough idea of your availability, and a bit about yourself. consider all the things i've told you about myself, which has made you feel like im a real two-dimensional person, and sketch me an idea of who you are. it'll be fun! i've been reminded that i had a very well-reasoned rule against fone calls and i have been inspired to reinstate it because someone had to call me to tell me about how much they liked my ad in real time. please do not do this. i appreciate that your interest feels urgent, but i'm often spinning too many plates to be held up with a one-on-one chat. and besides: if you call me, the limp bizkit stops! (this is clearly a design flaw.) if you're contacting me from an international number (unless it's from the us of a), i will receive your message but i will not be able to respond to you. my heart will break, and i will be left praying that you find another way to reach out. have you heard of electronic mail?? deposits will requested of new clients, clients with spotty attendance, and arbitrarily. if deposits via e-transfer are too high a bar for you to clear, please shoo. by contacting elsi, you understand that time can be bought but consent must be maintained.
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April 2024 | via Email